Questions

You've got questions???  We've got answers!!!

We have received a lot of questions in regards to our adoption.  Some people are usually hesitant to ask and don't want to be intrusive or rude, but we welcome your questions!  I think that the best way to respectfully ask a question about our adoption would be to remember that the child you are speaking about (either our daughter or our future children), they are our children.  We may not have given birth to them, but we love them and take care of them as if we had.

I know that I am always curious about people and the stories of their lives!  So, as we receive questions, we will give the answers here. 

Why are you adopting?

This seems like a straight forward answer - because we can't have children.  But the decision to adopt is a personal one and not right for everyone.  We had gone back and forth for a year or so before we decided to start the adoption process back in 2009.  We had an experience where someone had said something that hurt us in regards to why we didn't have kids.  It was not meant to be offensive, but when you are silently struggling with infertility, those comments hit deeply in your heart.

When we were driving home from this experience and Hannah was crying, everything just clicked.  Brandon brought up adoption again and said that he felt it was the right time.  And we both knew that although this wouldn't be the last time we would cry over the children we didn't have, we would no longer be full of the fears of uncertainty and not knowing how we would have children.  We prayed fervently and felt we received many confirmations that our decision was the right one; and ten months later our daughter was placed in our arms.

And now we make the decision to adopt again.  We have talked about it off and on for the past 2 years.  We wondered if we would ever feel it was the right time again.  Last week we felt that overwhelming confirmation that this was the time.  We had already started the process a few months prior, but we were not into it 100% yet.  Now we know it is the time and look forward to finding our newest addition.

Can you have kids or are you choosing not to?

We actually get this question a lot.  We were told once that we should be able to have children, but at this point, we have made peace and look forward to growing our family in a different way - through adoption.  The term that could be used to explain our situation is unexplained infertility.  We have not gone to great lengths yet to determine if there might be any other causes for our infertility.  We might do the infertility evaluation someday, but we really do not feel a desire at this point.  Only time will tell.  But we know that we were meant to have our little Lilly in our family and we wouldn't have her if we hadn't adopted.

Do you have a preference; boy/girl, ethnicity, age, etc.?

We actually don't have a preference on the gender.  We figure that if we got pregnant, we wouldn't have a choice either way.  We would be thrilled to have a little boy (which we already have a name for!) and we would be overjoyed to have another girl (which Lilly has said will be her "little girl princess" - how cute!).  We would be super happy either way.

We do want a newborn or at least within a few weeks old.  I was really concerned the first time we adopted and wanted a baby that was only hours old, but now I know that you can still connect and bond with a three week old baby just as much as a newborn.

We do want a baby that looks somewhat similar to us.  We are also not ready to adopt an older child at this time.  We really just don't know our thoughts on ethnicity.  We go back and forth - because if we adopt from another culture, we want to fully embrace that culture and have our child know where they came from and their heritage.  So really, it depends on the situation and we are very open to almost everything.  :)

I hear people say that they gave their child away or placed their child - what is the difference or what is the correct terminology?

We prefer to say that someone placed their child for adoption.  When saying that a child was given away has a negative connotation, especially because birthparents did not just give their child away.  It just makes it feel like the birthparents didn't love their child, when in reality, that is the furthest from the truth.  What we learned from our daughters adoption is that her birthmother and birthfather love her more than anything in this world.  They will always be a part of her and they didn't give her away, they placed her in the best home they could find and they only increased the love that their child will feel.  

To directly quote from the itsaboutlove website; "The words we use while talking about adoption can send unintended messages. When writing about or discussing adoption, please consider using language from the right-hand column."

Negative Terms	Preferred Terms
Gave up her child for adoption	Placed her child for adoption
Real parent; natural parent	Birth parent, biological parent
Adoptive parent	Parent
His adopted child	His child
Illegitimate	Born to unmarried parents
Adoptee	Child who was adopted
To keep	To parent
Adoptable child; available child	Waiting child
Foreign adoption	International adoption
Track down parents	Search
Unwanted child	Child placed for adoption
Is adopted	Was adopted

Can you breastfeed if you adopt?

Technically, you can.  You would need to speak with a lactation specialist more than a few months before a baby is placed with you.  We actually went to a specialist to try and breastfeed Lilly, but financially we couldn't afford to even try it (mediciations, breastpump, etc).  This was one of the hardest moments in our last adoption.  I wanted so badly to breastfeed because I thought it would build a bond between my child and I.  There are a lot of options, especially if you've been able to get pregnant or if you've birthed a baby, it's supposed to be easier for your body to breastfeed since you already have had those hormones in your body.  If you would like more information, contact a lactation specialist or doctor and tell them you have questions about induced lactation.